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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24513289">Another nightmare</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Simbanrat/pseuds/Simbanrat'>Simbanrat</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>EastEnders (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Fluff and Angst, M/M, One Shot, Short One Shot</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 07:28:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,045</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24513289</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Simbanrat/pseuds/Simbanrat</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Little one shot after the episode shown on 02/06 dealing with Ben lying to Callum.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>55</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Another nightmare</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben had the same nightmare almost every night. </p><p>He was alone, deservedly so. Callum had up and left him after he pushed him away one too many times. Dodgy deals, breaking up with him at Christmas, all the lies, illegal activities and refusal to truly open up. There was only so much Callum would take. Even after apparently reaching breaking point and making it through that with the shared ‘I love you’s’ that followed afterwards wasn’t enough.</p><p>Callum left Ben after another lie, it wasn’t the illegal job he had been angry at, it was the blatant fib Ben had told him to his face, seemingly having no problem lying to the man he claimed to love. It wasn’t a way to live, and Callum couldn’t love like that. He loved with his whole heart, everything he was and everything he had he gave to the person who owned that heart. Ben couldn’t return the generosity. He loved with a guarded heart, terrified to give himself away completely in fear of being hurt. Knowing that everything he was and had was rotten to the core. He knew it and he knew that Callum would know it. </p><p>Ben couldn’t let Callum know everything, he knew what he had done was bad, it would lead to the end. It ended anyway, with Callum finally having enough and no matter how much Ben begged and promised to change and become the man Callum deserved, Callum didn’t believe him. They had had the same argument so many times and Callum was tired. His heart was bruised and it couldn’t take another disappointment and beating. Ben sat on the floor in the kitchen as Callum took his bag and walked out the door, slamming it hard, but silently to Ben’s ears, behind him.</p><p>The empty feeling of the flat matched the empty feeling in Ben’s soul. Losing only the second person in his life he truly loved and knowing that yet again it was all his own fault. He didn’t deserve to be loved because he didn’t know what to do with it when he had it. He pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapped his arms around them and put his head down to cry, silent tears into a quiet room with nobody to hear them. Finally alone like he deserved. </p><p>Ben tossed and turned in bed, the overwhelming feeling of sadness and loneliness overwhelming him, causing him to cry in his sleep. Like most nights he was woken by a gentle hand on his hair, stroking it reassuringly to let him know he was safe and that it was OK. Ben opened his eyes and took a deep breath before rolling over to see Callum’s concerned face staring back at him. They had discussed the nightmare many times before, and Callum was just as upset as Ben was. He hated that his boyfriend believed he could leave him, and it hurt him to see how much pain it caused the other man. </p><p>After the first dream Ben admitted to Callum that he had lied. He was sorry, he hadn't wanted to admit that he wasn’t the man Callum needed him to be or deserved, he was sorry that he hadn’t told the truth, he just was so scared of how Callum would react if he found out what he had done. Callum hadn’t been happy, he was really angry that Ben had lied to him again, but he knew what he was getting into when he started dating him. He knew he wasn’t an angel, their first real contact had been Ben selling him a stolen van after all. The fact that Ben had had the first nightmare the very same night he told the lie showed Callum everything he needed to know. Ben made a full confession in the morning and Callum had forgiven him, telling him was an idiot and if he ever lied to him again that was truly the end. </p><p>Now when Ben was whimpering in the night, crying in his sleep it broke Callum’s heart. He hated knowing it was him in Ben’s nightmare that was causing him that much pain, even though it was all in Ben’s head and a product of his own subconscious. All he could do was stroke Ben’s hair to comfort him, hope he roused from sleep and knew that everything was OK. Callum was still there and he still loved him, even if Ben was the biggest idiot he had ever met. </p><p>When Ben rolled over to face him, with tears in his beautiful blue eyes, Callum wanted to lean forwards and kiss them better, to kiss everything better. He did just that, kissing first at Ben’s fluttering eyelids, still trying to blink himself awake, and then his cheeks where the tears had spilled. As Ben woke up and realised where he was, in bed with the man he loved and that he wasn’t alone, he moved his head to reach his mouth to Callum’s. Making contact and letting out a small moan as Callum kissed him back, their lips parting and Callum’s tongue invading Ben’s mouth and hands starting to run down Ben’s chest towards his pants.</p><p>Sometimes when Ben woke up like this it was soft and gentle kisses, ghost touches of each other’s bodies to ground themselves and remind the other they were there, just the feeling of the other man holding onto them reassured them both. Other times though it was hard and desperate, the need to show each other that they weren’t going anywhere. Hard thrusts into Callum’s body, each thrust making Callum writhe and Ben promising to always tell him the truth, punctuated with each snap of his hips. Each time Callum gripped at Ben’s wrists or scratched at his back telling him back that he believed him and this was forever. Their coming together showing how in sync they really were, Ben deep inside Callum and Callum all over both their bodies. </p><p>They always lay together afterwards, in each other’s arms. Callum listening to Ben’s rapid breathing and Ben’s head on Callum’s chest, feeling his beating heart calming down. These were the moments they both loved, the sated middle of the night silent communication of knowing they were OK. </p><p> </p>
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